Child Sexual Abuse

Common Misunderstandings

"Children often fantasise or make up stories about being abused - they have very active imaginations"

This is a very old idea, and in some countries it was enshrined law through a warning that it was not safe to convict a man on the uncorroborated evidence of a child. In fact it is extremely rare for children to lie or 'make up' stories about being sexually abused. The far bigger problem is that children are often too frightened to tell anyone.

"Most child abusers are 'paedophiles'"

Although there are sexual abuse rings and individual abusers who target large numbers of children, most children are abused by men they know. Most child sex offenders are married men, who have sex with their wives and sometimes other adult women - they are children's fathers, uncles, teachers as well as family friends and neighbours. These men do not fit the clinical definition of 'paedophile' - adults whose sexual interest is limited to children - nor do they fit most peoples perceptions of a 'paedophile' - a loner, someone with poor social skills. So most child sexual abusers are not 'paedophiles' in any clear or obvious sense.

Many people want to be able to identify a category of men who are more likely to abuse children. In fact, there is no 'type' of man who is an abuser - they come from every class, professional, racial and religious background. They are heterosexual and homosexual. They are also often very skilled at manipulating people and situations, at creating trust and respect within their community and profession, for example as clergy or youth workers.

For further discussion see: Liz Kelly, 'Weasel words: paedophiles and the cycle of abuse'.

"Children are more likely to be abused within working class or ethnic minority families"

Just as there is no typical man who is an abuser, there is no typical family where abuse takes place. Evidence from child and adult survivors reveals that sexual abuse takes place in families from all sections of society, regardless of class, race or culture. One of the reasons this idea has continued for a long time is that disadvantaged groups are those which are most likely to come under the surveillance of welfare workers and police - thus child sexual abuse is more likely to be detected in these families.

"If you have been sexually abused you are likely to abuse children as an adult"

This is a commonly held view, often referred to as 'the cycle of abuse'. If it were so simple then the majority of child abusers should be female, since more girls than boys are sexually abused as children. But the total reverse is the case - the vast majority of child abusers are male. Some sexual abusers were abused as children, but many were not. And many children who have been abused - girls and boys - are clear that they would never treat another child that way.

This idea is popular because it is simple, and means we do not have to ask more complicated questions about power relations between adults and children, between male and female and within families.

For further discussion see: Liz Kelly, 'Weasel words: paedophiles and the cycle of abuse'.

"Some children are very knowing and precocious beyond their years - like 'Lolita' they can seduce men"

Sometimes offenders and those defending them will argue that it was the child who initiated intimate contact, and judges have been known to make comments about 'little Lolitas'. One judge commented about a six-year-old that "she's no angel". It is interesting that this idea only applies to girls, no one talks about boys being 'Lolitas'.

In fact, the harmful effects of adults having sex with children have been long documented. Far from wanting or enjoying it, children are left feeling betrayed, terrified and traumatised. The impacts go on long into adulthood. However much a child loves or cares about the adult involved, and wishes to please them, the abuse still has a devastating affect on the child's emotional well being. Some small children having been 'sexualised' through abuse do display this kind of behaviour in their play and in their interactions with others, but this is a consequence of abuse not its cause. Adults, especially those who have caring responsibilities, have a duty to set and maintain appropriate boundaries with children, and any transgression of these boundaries is always the adult's responsibility.

Another common misunderstanding is that men, watching adolescent girls 'blossoming' into womanhood, simply cannot control themselves - particularly when the girls dress up in make up and fashionable clothes, so they look older than they are. In fact, most child sexual abuse happens long before girls reach puberty and many survivors report abuse going back to when they have their first memories, age 2 or 3. Babies and infants are also sexually abused. The most commonly reported age for child sexual abuse to start is between the ages of 4 and 6. This, however, does not excuse men who choose to have sex with young adolescents.

"Men who abuse their own children are very different from men who abuse outside the family"

This idea comes from two sources: a view in social work and psychology that incest was not about child abuse, but a way of dealing with problems in the family, usually between the adults; and early work on sex offenders which saw most sex offenders as 'sexual deviants' but excluded 'family men' from this category.

Both sets of ideas have been challenged by recent research on sex offenders. Men who abuse their own children have admitted to also abusing children outside the family and they have admitted to manipulating relationships in the family in order to facilitate their ability to abuse the child undetected. They - just like offenders outside the family do - 'groom' the child and the environment.

One of the consequences of these ideas has been that mothers in families where incest has occurred are often seen as 'collusive', and as partly to blame. Recent research in Australia revealed that abusive fathers often deliberately deceive the child, making them believe that their mother knew when she did not (Lynch, 1999).

"Incest should not be treated as a criminal matter - it breaks up the family and children feel responsible"

Raping and sexually assaulting children are criminal offences. Incest has historically been hidden behind closed doors and regarded as the family's 'own business'. Sometimes, authorities have worked to keep the family together rather than prosecuting the perpetrator. This has enabled perpetrators to continue to offend both within and outside the family. Such men often go on to abuse grandchildren if there are no sanctions against them.

Many children when they finally tell are angry and want justice. Others are fearful of legal processes and their father going to prison - but this invariably turns out to be the result of the abuser warning them that this will happen if they tell.

Children suffer most if abuse continues and they are not protected. They also are further hurt if they are blamed or held responsible for the split in the family. Children are best helped when the authorities take the decision to prosecute out of their hands and make it clear that adults are responsible for sorting out the situation and keeping children safe.

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